


Levels of Violence

by LeeBarnett



Series: One-shots and drabbles [7]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Human AU, Human Perry, M/M, agent heinz, emotional constipation and bad attention getting methods, post towcaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 23:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12828009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeBarnett/pseuds/LeeBarnett
Summary: 17. height difference kisses where one person has to bend do wn and the other is on their tippy toes





	Levels of Violence

**Author's Note:**

> A drabble from my tumblr, originally posted [here!](https://unexistinator.tumblr.com/post/167463599201/perryshmirtz-17)

Heinz isn’t really all that observant. He’s brilliant, of course, but annoyingly dense sometimes. And so damn  _tall._ Heinz being over a foot taller than Perry often makes Perry trying to be subtle  _impossible._

Not that Perry is subtle in general. But he is pretty sure Heinz would just laugh himself sick if Perry climbed up on a step-stool and demanded he come closer so Perry can kiss him. 

The tips of his ears burn at the thought, and Perry instead crosses his arms and glowers at where Heinz is drawing in big sweeps over a large chalkboard, outlining something about an expansion to Perry’s lair, since he sort of blew up the last one along with the rest of his house. 

“So what do you think?  _This_ way your family can’t go stumbling in anymore by accident, and you’ve got space to keep a  _real_ car in there, y’know something more,  _I_ don’t know, James  _Bond_ rather than the little mini cooper or whatever you have now–” Heinz walks over, hands gesticulating as he talks, and Perry is seized by the absurd desire to just punch Heinz in the gut so he bends down low enough to kiss. 

That’s something more reminiscent of their relationship years ago though, and instead Perry seizes upon the next option on his very short list of ideas. 

He grabs Heinz’s tie and yanks, making him cut off speaking with a yelp, bending down absurdly as Perry goes up on his toes. They bonk noses and Perry’s lower lip splits against Heinz’s teeth before he manages to line it up right, and it’s admittedly, probably the worst kiss Perry has ever instigated. He breaks it off quickly and is ready to beat a hasty retreat, his entire head feeling like someone had lit a match between his ears. 

“Whoa, Perry the Platypus, is your mouth okay? You’re bleeding,” Heinz says, grabbing Perry’s shoulder before he can literally jump out the nearest window to escape the awkwardness in the pit of his stomach and exchange it for vertigo. 

Perry shrugs as Heinz grabs his chin to inspect his lip, thumb brushing over the split, which stings a little. 

“Y’know if you’d wanted a kiss you could have just gotten a step-ladder,” Heinz says, sounding  _far_ too amused, so this time Perry  _does_ punch him, just enough to knock the air out of him so he bends over. And then Perry plants a soft, smirking kiss against Heinz’s mouth as he sputters things about being past this level of violence. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! 
> 
> comments are love, comments are life
> 
> lmk if i missed any mistakes or [brackets]!


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